I thought I have ditched the model of asking approval from others, however subconsciously I think I’m still doing this more or less. So I would write a blog to outline why and see potential danger lurking there.
Asking approval
We tend not to bother to ask approval from people that we don’t like. But if we happen to like someone, even if just at the beginning, we tend to seek the approval from that person. Of course, most of time we wouldn’t admit that behavior. As a kid, it’s quite obvious. But as a grow-up, we tend to hide this behavior as much as possible, maybe that’s how we show off we are grown-up now.
In general, I think we should be honest: hiding this behavior is the first issue of growing up. We should face it, if you are looking for approval from that person, make it obvious, either if it’s emotional or non-emotional aspect. It’s perfectly fine. Just be soft, nice so that you might get approval easier. Try to help others and especially try to spend more time understand what others are doing is going to help you succeed in getting that approval. If you want to go to get something, make it big to yourself. No regret if you fail.
Not to ask approval
However asking for approval is a two-edges sword. Especially if you form a habit in the long term that you start to be addict to someone’s opinion. This can be dangerous because of couple of reasons.
One, that person could be wrong, could be giving you the approval for various of reasons. He could be using you, but most of time, he could be not exactly knowing what’s best for you. Everyone is different, experience could be shared, but not borrowed directly. No one can really solve the problem for you, asking approval from another person is not the straightforward answer to solve your problem, even when he happens to be right. If it’s right, it’s right. You don’t have to go through extra step if the shortcut is already there. Extra step and time isn’t going to help for the correctness.
Two, that person could be not available. This is actually the killer. If that person goes missing, dies, or just suddenly decides to go negative on you. Your life could be entirely screwed, even when there’s nothing changed to yourself at that moment. If you like watching movie, I think 99% of the drama is about perspective change, the matter doesn’t move a foot, but when someone is changing his opinion, suddenly the world seems to be a slightly different. Non-sense. Matter doesn’t move.
The issue is on yourself. You shouldn’t at the first place put others’ approval s as anything close to top of your decision chain. Your happiness shouldn’t have a step going through that. Seeking approval can be a decorative thing, might make you happy. But make it a may-be but not a must-have. IMHO, your happiness is such an objective matter, at least in theory. Hoever you are going to approve the theory, that’s your life-time exercise.
Conclusion
If you are still seeking approval from others, try not to, and try to remind yourself not to. It’s time-consuming and most of time such wasting of time. If you really have to, try to go broader, like asking approval from the world, or everyone, do a survey. But don’t dwell on the approval from a single individual person.
Note: The best scenario, just don’t ask approval. My dream: I believe the world can be a such nice place to live if no one is asking approval from others.
